My Family’s Relationship With Tobacco
By Tiyanna Stewart, Youth Advocacy Program Associate, Campaign for Tobacco-Free Kids
Tiyanna Stewart and her parents, Robert and Joyce Stewart, had a candid conversation about tobacco use in their households and communities
Growing up, most trips to the grocery store ended with my mom asking the cashier for Marlboro Menthol 100s. When I went searching for a pencil in the kitchen drawer, the green and white package of cigarettes was just another item to move out of the way. Tobacco has been a part of my family for as long as I can remember—from my mother capping her nights with coffee and a cigarette to my grandfather chewing tobacco when he babysat me.
I knew the health impacts of tobacco, but it was not until joining the Campaign for Tobacco-Free Kids that I understood the tobacco industry’s predatory targeting of Black communities and the disproportionate health burden we bear. The charts about health disparities were no longer just numbers—they were personal. My mother has smoked cigarettes for over four decades, and I lost both of my grandfathers, who were heavy tobacco users, to lung cancer. I had a lot of questions.
In planning our upcoming virtual conversation about intergenerational tobacco use in Black communities, this curiosity unfolded into an hour-long conversation with my parents about our relationships with tobacco.
Conversation lightly edited for clarity
Tiyanna Stewart (TS): I'm curious about your first memories of tobacco, whether it's in your household or in community, just the earliest memory you have of any type of tobacco product.
Joyce and her sister used to steal cigarettes from their Aunt, pictured above. Joyce was influenced to use tobacco because she was exposed through family members. She also lived above a corner store where she witnessed heavy tobacco use and was able to purchase her own cigarettes at very young age, no questions asked.
I started smoking when I was about 10. It wasn't on the regular, but we would take cigarettes from my aunt or my girlfriend's dad, and we would go hide out and smoke.
Joyce Stewart (JS): As a young girl, my aunt smoked. My mother didn't smoke, so there was no smoking in my household, but some of my friends, their parents smoked. So I was around cigarettes, and I started smoking when I was about 10. It wasn't on the regular, but we would take cigarettes from my aunt or my girlfriend's dad, and we would go hide out and smoke.
Robert Stewart (RS): Both my parents smoked. I don't recall not being around cigarettes in my household. [One of my] chores was to go around, there was an ashtray in every room except our bedrooms, and I had to dump them and wipe them out and then put them back. And my siblings, I'm the youngest of three, both my sister and brother smoked cigarettes. I didn't really start smoking until I was about 23 after failing out of college and life presented itself.
I used to say I was a late starter until I really thought about it. My mom used to let me light her cigarettes on a gas stove. She was always sewing, and so if she needed it, she would say, "Hey, go light a cigarette for me," and I would go in the kitchen and turn the stove on. What I was supposed to do is just stick the cigarette on the flame, but as long as I could remember, I would actually take a pull before I got to her.
TS: For me, the same as Daddy because Mommy, you smoked. So cigarettes were always around. And you didn't smoke in the house, but I remember, in the junk drawer, you go get something and the cigarettes were there. I remember smelling them sometimes, just curious about what exactly it was. I’ve never tried a cigarette, [though].
Then Grandpa--that's one that sticks out to me--when he would chew tobacco. To me, that was the nastiest thing. And I remember I was staring at him one time, I guess, too hard and too long, and he was like, "What you looking at little girl? You want to try some?" And I’m like, "No, no! I don't want to try that."
RS: You’ve never smoked a cigarette, huh?
TS: No, it was just something that I never wanted to do. I don't think I've ever been offered a cigarette. But it was funny when I thought about it. I would never smoke a cigarette, but I’ve smoked hookah. They say this many hours of smoking hookah is equivalent to this many cigarettes, and it [the analogy] still doesn't have the same gravity to me.
Robert with his mother and older siblings
But the younger teenagers, they were all into menthol. Newport. And I can remember Kool cigarettes being very popular.
JS: Is it just as dangerous as tobacco, though?
TS: Yeah, it's really concentrated too.
TS: I know now you smoke menthol cigarettes [now]. Back when you first started smoking, was it menthol?
JS: No, actually it was non-menthol. I think a lot of smokers back then--older smokers where we used to get our cigarettes from--it was non-menthol.
RS: But the younger teenagers, they were all into menthol. Newport. And I can remember Kool cigarettes being very popular.
TS: What were people talking about cigarettes? Were your parents talking about them? Was it "Just Say No"?
RS: Well, I didn't hear much about the health issues. I didn't hear much about cancer causing, which I guess we found out later on. But it was just “don't do it”. I think that was part of the times, too, “just do as I say, not as I do”.
TS: It was the same for me growing up. It was just, “cigarettes are bad, don't try them”. But I think that was confusing for me because Mommy smoked. Now I can look back and I feel like I judged Mommy. When I was younger, it was so black and white like “this is bad—why does Mommy do it?”. I would try to take your cigarettes out of your mouth, pluck them, or say you should quit. How did that feel when we would do things like that?
JS: Well, I felt selfish because I didn't want to stop smoking, and I would say to you guys, you just don't smoke. I smoke and I know it's bad for me. Out of care and concern, you guys didn't want me to smoke. But it's just such an addiction, it really is. I felt guilty, I did.
Tiyanna with her sister and maternal grandfather, who was a heavy smoker and chewed tobacco
Tobacco has been a part of my family for as long as I can remember—from my mother capping her nights with coffee and a cigarette to my grandfather chewing tobacco when he babysat me.
TS: Can you talk about your process with wanting to quit, trying to quit? What did you use to try to quit? What worked, what didn't work?
JS: Some days I don't want to stop smoking, and sometimes I do. I've tried. I think I really gave not smoking a chance maybe three or four times out of all these years. When I was feeling bad, my throat was hurting or something like that, I would get a little scared. And once that was over, I'm back smoking again. I think if I really, in my heart, wanted to stop smoking, I could probably do it with some assistance.
RS: I stopped in ‘95. I guess because I was pretty athletic, I started feeling the effects of cigarettes. I couldn't run. Even going up a flight of stairs, I felt myself not having the breath that I used to have. That's what it took for me to really start looking at how unhealthy it was.
I really only tried once. I went and got the patch, I only wore the patch one full day. I wore it that morning and at lunchtime, I wanted a cigarette. So I took the patch off, waited a little while, ate lunch, and then had a cigarette. And I put that same patch back on. And it worked—that was the last cigarette I had.
RS: It's funny, I graduated high school in 1981 and was still against cigarettes then. And I can remember my graduation from high school, that day my mom asked, "What gift could I give you?" and without hesitation I told her, "The best gift you could give me is to stop smoking."
She stopped that day, and she's never smoked since. Just last week she said, "You know, I never thought about it, but that probably saved my life because of all the lung issues I had."
TS: That makes me think, Mommy. Would you talk to the doctor about your smoking habits? Would they ask? How was your relationship with your doctors in terms of talking about your smoking?
Robert’s parents at his high school graduation. The cigarette in his mother’s hand is one of, if not the, last one she ever smoked.
She stopped that day, and she's never smoked since. Just last week she said, "You know, I never thought about it, but that probably saved my life because of all the lung issues I had."
JS: Most of the doctors that I have been to over the years never really encouraged me to stop smoking until the last doctor I had who was an African American woman.
TS: Do you think that made a difference?
JS: I think so because she was the first African-American doctor I had, probably about four years ago. And she was the only one that really dug into my health. When she asked me about smoking, I told her how many cigarettes I smoke, she really didn't ask me, she just wrote a prescription for the patch and said, "Well, I'm going to give you a prescription for this and I want you to go get it filled."
It was all in the attitude. I was like, “okay, I'm going to do it”. That was the first time I've had a prescription from a doctor for smoking. Nobody ever gave me a prescription. They just asked and that's it.
TS: Daddy, can we talk about what you do professionally and with counseling, explain what your job is working with youth and adults.
RS: I'm a certified substance abuse counselor in the Commonwealth of Virginia. So I've worked in different capacities with adults, with the court systems, adolescents. I volunteered to run this smoking cessation group. I think it starts with the education piece of it. Just like I didn't look at it as difficult. Most people say, I can stop when I want to stop. I just like cigarettes. I said, I don't know if they realize how addictive, and nicotine is one of the most addictive, if not the most addictive substance on earth.
TS: So I'm curious, especially for parents who are trying to help their kid, what would you say that you learned from running those groups, maybe misconceptions, or things that parents may be doing that they think is helpful but may not be?
RS: Well, I think anger is something definitely you try to avoid. The parents are angry with them, and that just breaks down all communication. What I used to try to promote is the dialogue. So I used to tell the parents ask them “why, what does it do for them because that's the solution”.
At the Campaign for Tobacco-Free Kids, we are challenging you to sit down with your friends and family and start up a conversation about tobacco. Here are some questions to get started:
1.What was your first exposure to tobacco use/products?
2.Was tobacco used in your household?
3.What did you think about tobacco products when you were growing up compared to how you view them now?
4.Have you ever used tobacco products? Why or why not?